November 2017: A Mostly Neutral Mind

My inner critic has troubled me all my life. It was loud. It judged everything that I did and didn’t do. It was always harsh and relentless. I have used various toxic and non-toxic ways to cope with my inner critic.

In October 2017, I suddenly heard an inner voice telling me to tweet on Twitter. I ignored it four times, but succumbed after the fifth time and went on Twitter.

In November 2017, my mind suddenly became mostly neutral. The voice of my inner critic became small. Easy to ignore and refute. Inner calm began to happen. I naturally stayed in the inner calm. I could watch and let my mind do its things. Soon an inner space opened up. I realized that I could be present when I stay in it and save a lot of life energy.

When I was present, I noticed my energy circulation was smoother. As a result, my vibe improved. With my improved resonance, new people started to emerge, and new situations began to happen. Negative emotions still occurred, but they didn’t affect me as badly as before. I realized that I could observe what they do to my mind.

My inner world became pleasant and brought inner gentleness, which naturally made my inner child appear more than before. At this point, my heart was mostly closed. I didn’t understand the path of the heart. I was also waiting for my body to die. I still had a lot of toxic tendencies and behaviors. So I continued to do my inner and shadow work.

In February 2018, Mother Earth sent out many energy waves around the world. This has brought more internal changes. There were days when I was drunk with life energy and flowed from moment to moment. There were also some strange spiritual experiences.

Over time, I adapted to most of the changes in my inner world. I am still learning about it every day. Even though the mind is a cruel master, for the most part, I don’t suffer my inner critic, and I am okay with my mind’s negativity. This is just the beginning and I still have a long way to go.