My mother is an alpha narcissist. I used to hate her very much. I also projected my self-hatred onto her.
The Enlightened One knew I hated my mother. I think he told me things about my mother to help me reduce hatred.
One time he told me that when I returned to the United States, I should kneel in front of my mother and apologize to her. He even told me what to say to her and rehearsed with me.
The truth was that I didn’t fucking want to, and I was irritated by him, but I respect him, so I said yes.
When I flew back and saw my mother, I knelt in front of her, and I started to recite what the Enlightened One told me.
“Mom, I have not been a good son. I have caused you so many worries and troubles. I am sorry. From now on, I will be a good son.”
At that moment, my world changed.
My heart opened and expanded outward. There was nothing but love. So much love. My body felt like it was dying. I could not stand this much love. I was One with all living beings.
I had no idea that’s what I was. I had been so foolish. I started crying. I walked around in that state for four hours. I saw ants, and I was willing to die for them, because their lives are the same as mine. I saw trees and I knew they knew. Mother Nature smiled at me. Everyone was me in different forms.
After this strange experience, I no longer hate anyone, including myself. I have experienced spontaneous hatred several times, but it did not last long.
I suddenly knew I had to write this. I don’t understand why. I don’t know how this can help anyone, but I fully trust this inner knowing.
Many years ago, some students and I were with the Enlightened One. He suddenly looked at me and said, “One day, you will share what you have learned and help them in English.” He also said, “What you share will be like a clean stream of water, which will help them.”
I didn’t believe him, but I respect him, so I smiled. At that time, I was full of fears. I was full of anxiety. I was a people-pleaser. I was an attention seeker. I was a validation seeker. I was a pretender. I was so insecure. I was still biting my nails. I was so selfish. I hated helping others.
I kept doing my inner and shadow work. I didn’t know they were called that. Many things happened, including many awakenings. In October 2017, I suddenly heard an inner voice telling me to post tweets on Twitter. I ignored it four times but gave in after the fifth time and got on Twitter.
The rest is Twitter history. It turns out the Enlightened One was right again. I am doing what little I can to help others and this helps me too.
When I worry about the people I care about, my mind usually doesn’t develop further mental stories about them.
It’s a frozen image of them in my mind and I worry about them in that frozen form.
I carry this worry until I hear back from them that they are alright, or that they found a solution to their dilemma.
I don’t know why my worry process is like this, but I suspect it has to do with years of inner work and shadow work.
In late 2018, Mother Earth sent out energy waves to all living beings on Earth. It felt like this was a plan to raise our vibration and change human’s destructive course.
There were weeks where I was drunk with life energy and flowed from moment to moment. I had some strange spiritual experiences.
In early 2019, I suddenly realized that my two arms felt as if they had tubes in them, and the center of my palms felt like two holes. I felt as if I could give and absorb life energy with my palms.
Over time, this feeling increased. I panicked because I didn’t want to become an energy vampire. I didn’t want to become a freak, so I told the universe, “NO!” It stopped and that feeling disappeared.
In early 2020, I came across a pranic healer. I saw her scanning the patient with her right palm. I suddenly knew that I wanted to learn. She vaguely told me about her teacher and the classes she took.
I found her teacher online and bought a book he wrote from Amazon. I started practicing the exercises in this book. I suddenly felt that there were two holes in my palms.
I realize this is a cycle from 2018. Therefore, I have decided to go with it. See where it takes me and what the universe will bring.
Thank them for this offer.
Thank them for remembering you.
Tell them that you think this offer sounds good, but it’s not quite right for this phase of your life. You don’t need to explain why, because you don’t owe them any explanation. If you want to explain, tell them it’s personal.
Tell them although now is not a good time for this offer. Maybe this situation will change in the future. You hope that when the right time comes, this offer will still be available to you if you need it.
Leave this offer as a potential opportunity for your future. Always consciously choose to leave more options for the future version of you.