My mother is an alpha narcissist. I used to hate her very much. I also projected my self-hatred onto her.
The Enlightened One knew I hated my mother. I think he told me things about my mother to help me reduce hatred.
One time he told me that when I returned to the United States, I should kneel in front of my mother and apologize to her. He even told me what to say to her and rehearsed with me.
The truth was that I didn’t fucking want to, and I was irritated by him, but I respect him, so I said yes.
When I flew back and saw my mother, I knelt in front of her, and I started to recite what the Enlightened One told me.
“Mom, I have not been a good son. I have caused you so many worries and troubles. I am sorry. From now on, I will be a good son.”
At that moment, my world changed.
My heart opened and expanded outward. There was nothing but love. So much love. My body felt like it was dying. I could not stand this much love. I was One with all living beings.
I had no idea that’s what I was. I had been so foolish. I started crying. I walked around in that state for four hours. I saw ants, and I was willing to die for them, because their lives are the same as mine. I saw trees and I knew they knew. Mother Nature smiled at me. Everyone was me in different forms.
After this strange experience, I no longer hate anyone, including myself. I have experienced spontaneous hatred several times, but it did not last long.